If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
