So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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