I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
