pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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