Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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