You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize