I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
