So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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