If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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