Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
