I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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