I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The struggles of a small town man whore
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
