I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Terrible idea I love it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
