im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
