someone get that fucking seahorse.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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