Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
