is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize