dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
