I got chris browned last night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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