i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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