He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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