Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
