Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
