Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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