Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
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Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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