Can Purell be used as lube?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
