The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
