we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
