last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
