Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
