I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
