his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
