im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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