Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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