She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
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The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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