8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
