Ketchup is God's man juice
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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