I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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