I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
