I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
