How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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