He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sorry my hands just texted you
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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