i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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