I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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