I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
