We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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