I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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