I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
