i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize