He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
