hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
