I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
