she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
