can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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