Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
