Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
