Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
