if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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